Rob Zombie 31 - Doom Head

Rob Zombie 31 – Review

Got a chance to see the premier of RZ’s 31 last week, September 1st. Got a chance… like it was some kind of event reserved for the film-going elite. Tickets were readily available.

I was surprised just how many people there weren’t in the theater; place was practically empty! Wasn’t a bad movie though. Not as good as some of his other stuff, but hey.

Let me begin with a couple of helpful tips for movie-goers:

ONE: Don’t tell someone in the theater that they can move if they don’t like it when you happen to chat with your wife.

And B: Don’t tell someone in the theater that they can move if they don’t like it when you happen to chat with your wife.

The girl sitting on the other side of my wife with her boyfriend starts complaining, “Waa waa waa can you shut the [expletive] up!?”

Or something to that effect. When I glanced over I heard her BF say something and she replied in a faux hush, “Well they’re having a [expletive] conversation over here…”

We weren’t really. I had simply made a few observations about the film and was commenting to my wife. Pardon me if I disturbed approximately 30 seconds of the movie. Her move, as you will see, successfully derailed about five minutes of the film for everyone else in the theater!

Note that THE ENTIRE ROW WAS EMPTY except for the eight or so seats around us. Also note that about 30% of the rest of the theater was available for alternate seating. This wasn’t a huge turnout, plenty of room.

Prior to realizing I should never do so at a Rob Zombie movie, I lean forward and look over to engage this twit. I say, “you know, there are hardly any people in the theater, plenty of other seats available if you’d like to move.”

What happens? She pitches her soda in my face. My wife was covered, I was covered. Her boyfriend even says to her, “Uh, that wasn’t cool.”

It wasn’t cool, I concur. But I realized, in my vast yet often dormant wisdom, that if I had kept my mouth shut nothing would have happened. I could have dumped my beer on the moron in retaliation but it cost me 10 bucks, and furthermore it was a Dogfish Head 60 minute IPA, so no way! (Yes, you can drink beer in the theater near me. Something they’re starting in an effort to not lose too much business to the Movie Tavern franchise).

I stood up, wrung the soda from my hair, prompted my wife to get up and we moved over to the end of the row. It must have been a Diet Sprite or something because it wasn’t sticky and dried up well before the movie was over.

HELL NO we didn’t leave! We had beer and popcorn left, and that idiot was out a whole drink. HA! We got comp tickets too, because, while we were trying to leave the situation behind and just enjoy the movie, some mr. goody goody kept the whole shebang going, alerted the manager and pointed out the soda girl further disrupting things, while we just sat their watching the movie. Which was pretty good by the way…

31 Good Guys Promo Shot

I was satisfied. 31 is in fact a decent horror flick. It’s a zany, bloody romp through “Murderworld” where lands a van-load of carnival workers who were road-tripping to their next gig.

The film is front-loaded with comical character interactions and situations, something true Zombie film fans appreciate. It helps keep things light and build the characters because the latter two thirds of the movie are seriously heavy with horror, not much room for humorous wit.

It happens to be the day before Halloween, thus 31. 5 carny friends (Sheri Moon Zombie, Meg Foster, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) end up being captured by henchmen of a demented group of aristocrats who wish to play a game. A game of murder.

The five are trapped in Murderworld, beset upon by numerous wackos wielding various implements of torture and dismemberment. They must escape to survive…

Dug this one much more than The Lords of Salem. Worth a movie ticket, or wait for video. Either way, this one is pretty damn good. I’d watch it again.

The only aspect of the film that sort of annoyed me was the shakey closeup shots during some of the horrific action scenes as the crew try and battle their way out of Murder World. The goal may have been to create some sense of disorientation, and it worked, because I was completely disoriented through much of those scenes, but the shakey cam was way too overused.

Watch Rob Zombie’s 31 included with Shudder on Amazon.
Learn more about the cast and crew of 31 at